When Benjer was a baby, I tried infant potty training. My method was simple. In those days, I only had three older sisters to care for. I was more in tune with my own needs. When Benjer nursed, I drank a glass of water. When I had to urinate, I took him in first, and had him go. (Prior information: When he was newborn, I held a cloth diaper in front of him with my hand there, so I could feel when he went. I made a SSSSS sound when he urinated. Later, when I took him in the bathroom and made the SSSS sound. He associated the two together, and unless I was too late and he had already gone, he was successful most of the time.
Then Jim came along. I read an “expert” book on how to do it. As recommended, I charted what his urination cycles were, recorded information in a notebook, took him at the correct time on the clock, made myself stressed out and crazy day in and day out, nights, weekends, always vigilant. I failed miserably, for a couple of reasons. One was that I was out of tune with his bathroom needs. When Benjer and I had the same potty schedule, I knew he had to go because I had to go. When the clock told me it was time to take Jim, maybe he wasn’t quite on the schedule the book said he was on. Or the timer would beep and I wouldn’t hear, and my body wasn’t nagging me. He was largely hit and miss when he got burned and went into the hospital. The hospital staff put him in disposables, and potty training was low on the list as he recovered. Once he showed off for a nurse, and told me he had to go while she was there. That was the last successful potty experience.
After his six weeks of recovery, the whole family got hit with the flu, I went on bedrest, then we moved Jim out of Dad and Mom’s bed, and THAT seemed like enough of an adjustment without adding potty training. Then it was a week before Wash’s due date, then Wash was born, then I was on bedrest for postpartum.
By that time, Jim was largely entrenched in soiling and urinating in his diaper without signaling us first.
I have had my hands so full with 6 kids and a new puppy to take care of, potty training Wash has seemed a monumental task, especially since training Jim has been such a colossal failure.
So every afternoon while Jim is napping, the kids fold their laundry while I read to them from one of the Little House on the Prairie books. I take Wash’s diaper cover off and nurse him while my cell phone is sitting next to me (to tell me the time), and when he “wets”, I make the SSSS sound. I have noticed that it is about half an hour after I nurse him that he pees. However, I have considered myself a failure in this again, because he always fusses, then he pees, then I say, “Oh, you DID tell me you had to go, but I didn’t know what you were fussing about.”
In the evenings when the toys are cleaned up, the dishwasher is loaded, and the kitchen is clean, the whole family gathers in the family room and I check my e-mail. I usually nurse Wash, then “potty train” him by holding him with the diaper in front of him. He is getting to an age where I can’t do it so much any more, because he likes to stand and exercise his legs. But when he will be still I can still train him.
So the other night, he let out this pterodactyl-like screech, out of the blue. He was quiet for a minute, then did it again. My husband said, “That was almost like he was trying to tell us something.” I jumped up, and said, “I wonder if that is his cue that he has to pee?” I took his diaper off and he was dry. I raced him to the toilet, made the SSSS sound, and he peed on command. Woohoo! Success!
I said, “That screech WAS his cue that he had to go.”
The next night, he did the same pterodactyl screech. This time he was already wet. I thought, “What the heck!” So, I undiapered him and took him in to the toilet anyway. He went again. So apparently, he couldn’t wait, but still had to go more.
I am in astonishment that such a lackadaisical attitude has yielded such success. You can’t miss the scream. It is very unique, and quite annoying. He also gets quite frantic, but so do I when there is a long line for the Johnny on the Spot on the 4th of July.
Benjer had a cue too, but his was a fussing that is quite different. When I was working with Jim, I was so focused on the science, I missed the art of listening for a cue.
I am still quite busy, and there have been times when my husband has asked, “Isn’t that his potty screech?”, and I realize that he signaled and I missed it.
Not only has Wash become successful, Jim has renewed an interest. Because he is 2 weeks from 2 years old, I can’t just hold him with a diaper in front of him. He is watching Wash, and I have put big boy underwear on him. Once he took himself to the potty, took off his diaper, and peed behind the toilet. I am not sure whether he was trying to do the right thing, or if he just happened to be standing there when he had to go. He spent Saturday telling me when he had to go. Most of the time, he was already wet or “stinky”. Once he did pee in the potty, though.
My parents (who are divorced, but they are in agreement on this topic) believe that I am the one who is trained, not the baby. They feel I am wasting my time, and that the baby will train when he is ready. However, now that I have a puppy, and I saw how much easier Niska was to train than Jim, I see that God has placed an aversion in people and animals not to soil their nest. In the mornings, when I am too sleepy to think, Wash starts his “pee wiggle”. He has to go, and wiggles me awake. By the time I am coherent, it is usually too late, but he continues to try to escape from his wet diaper. I know from experience with Benjer and Jim that the wiggling occurs before it is too late, and if I jump up immediately, and race him to the toilet, I am always successful in training the child to use the potty.
I am amazed that a 4-month-old baby responds positively to the same “Hurray!” and kissing that a 2-year-0ld does.
Note: I am still unsuccessful in night-time training with Benjer. When he was in our bed, he was dry night and day 24/7. When he moved to his own bed, he no longer wiggled me awake, and he was wet by the time I woke up to take him. Somehow I failed to teach him how to take himself to the potty when he had to go.
This morning, he woke up a half an hour earlier than he usually does, and was pleased to find he was still dry. I have been hesitant to wake him and take him potty, because 1) I am concerned that he will still be relying on me to take him, rather than on himself to go when he needs to, and 2) I don’t want to put up with crankiness due to short sleep all day.
Somehow I have missed that key point in teaching the boy to wake up and go, but at least we have small successes in small areas.